the notebook.

did candace get me addicted to the notebook?
yes she did.
I have watched it twice tonight, instead of sleeping...
oh boy!

happy birthday.

Happy Birthday to my best friend candace!! 

THe old fart turned 19 today!! To celebrate we went to Trafalga for laser tag, drinks at common sense afterwards, & then watched the notebook At Brandon's house.  (which by the way, I had never seen before.  Candace was shocked.  I fell in love with it.  However, I am upset, cause I want a love like that now! I want a guy to dance with me in the middle of the street without there even being music. Best movie ever!)  

Happy birthday Candace! I love you!!

christmas.

What is Christmas?

okay, but seriously.

Merry Christmas Everyone! 

can't sleep.

can't sleep. can't sleep. can't sleep. can't sleep.

christmas eve.

 highlights of my christmas eve:

• working a six & a half hour shift... :S
• Kalin visiting me... how many times? I dunno, he just kept coming back.
• Big feast at Nanny's house!
• My sweet little brother.

• TIme with the family.
• the star touch light & hatchin' grow alien i got from the white elephant game we played.

• My five-year-old brother learning how to use a whoopee cushion... it was epic.
• driving home with the girls & taking a drive through the cemetery to look for deer.
• our adventure to find Orem's version of city lights.
• annual sleepover in my bed! whoo hoo!

G'night!

leggings.

it's christmas time, & do you want to know how many stores have green leggings?  

ZERO

I looked for an hour & a half for green leggings all over the Gateway, & found none... my outfit will no longer be very christmasy as I had originally planned.

what a tragedy.

black violin.

In order to fully enjoy this video, please follow these brief instructions:

1. SKip to 2:07.
2. Realize what song they are playing.
3. Enjoy how perfect this video is for me.
4. Return & watch the rest of the video because it is sick tight. 

{Ush, Ush}

visitors.

i love when my mundane work day is filled with the surprise of seeing people i know.  Recently, I have seen 10 people I know.  I will recount to you my tales of visits.

Saturday
1:  I was walking to get waters, & saw someone i recognized, but i just couldn't put my finger on it.  Tallish, skinny as a rail, earrings, awful facial hair, dressed in clothes that would probably fit Hagrid.  This boy looked like he worked for the Mexican Cartel.  Then it hit me... I just saw my first boyfriend ever.  after slipping off the deep end, he returned to Utah.  Glad i didn't stick around to see that relationship play out.
2:  Just as I got off work, I saw Brother Hougaard walking out of Tai Pan, followed by his lovely sons, & then out walked Braden.  I have grown up with him, we dabbled in crushing on each other at one point, & I also was there for his first ticket.  It was so great to see him, & hear all about his farewell January 1st, everybody go!
3&4:  I stopped by tilting tree to look at some boardshorts.  (i know of a fine gentleman in need of new swimsuit.)  & I heard my name.  To my surprise, I saw Mckay Hartzell,  & Cole Engeman who i have probably not seen since 9th grade!
Monday
5:  Once again I was walking to get waters for the girls, & I came across Matt Holden!  It is always lovely to see him.  We talked about dance, & cinemagic.  Boy i miss being on team!
6:  A while later, I was looking up prices at work for the sale we are having, & in comes Becky!  such a beautiful sight.  We had a nice chat, & made plans for later that evening.  Seeing your best friend always brightens up a work day.
7:  Unexpectedly, Mrs. Kailin Beck came into downeast with her in laws! She was as beautiful as ever, & it was great to see her!
8:  Now last, but not least:  As I was turned with my back to the door helping someone with jewelry, I could tell there was someone standing beside me so I turned around in order to apologize for being in their way, & saw Jesse Jaeger!! I have not seen him in the longest time.  I miss him so much! It was so sweet of him to drop by to see if i was working after he dropped somethings off at plato's closet.  We had a little conversation about what is going on in life, but unfortunately i had to get back to work.

& those are the tales of the 8 people I have seen recently!  Wanna make my day? Come visit me at work, I'd love you forever!

the weekend.

My weekend unofficially started thursday at five thirty.  My mother requested that i fill in at Brooke & Emma's competition make-up & hair how-to meeting because she would be attending my father's company christmas party.  It was quite an interesting meeting.  I got to visit with holly, & meet a woman that i do not like.  My favorite moment of the meeting goes as follows:  I was sitting down on a chair, brooke standing next to me.  She noticed that I had taken my phone cover sticker of Alan & I off the bottom of my phone.  She was so shocked, & asked why I had taken it off.  I looked at her, & said, "He broke up with me Brooke."  She then started looking all around the room awkwardly, then she timidly put her arm around my shoulder & said "i didn't know, i am sorry."  She has the same awkwardly charming personality as her oldest sister, I love it.  We also did this:

 this is what she'd look like blad.

 she was so excited to show me she fit.

 i fit too... kinda

After i was educated on all the ways studio 1 wants the girls hair done, I headed back to my apartment.  Melanie & I had tickets to see Sherlock Holmes 2 at 12:03.  It was delightful!  Such a great movie, I love Robert Downey Jr.  (I did however notice a 2 big trends in movies lately.  Trend 1:  Some group of armed forces or government people have to fight robots, aliens, or some other type of evil force.  Trend 2:  Two people try to have sexual relations without having any feelings involved, then they fall in love.  Waaaay too many movies lately have some version of these two plots.  Although, i am Looking forward to the new batman, & Avengers movie!)

 boss sweaters. Made 'em ourselves.

look who decided to join us.

Friday I woke up to take my religion final, little did I know that it would take me 3 hours... not pleasant.  After lots of cleaning, a quick trip to JCWs for lunch, & packing, I headed home! My mother, grandmother, & I went to H&M in SLC! I was slightly disappointed though.  I cracked, & bought a Versace Greek key bracelet.  It is beautiful.  I loved all the jewelry, I probably added way too much to our bag of clothes.  We went a little crazy... After shopping, we headed to CheeseCake Factory for dinner.  Factory Burrito Grande, & Chocolate Raspberry Truffle cheesecake to go:  perfect meal.

 JCW gyro

 surprisingly delicious

 new latin dress design... just saying

 classic mirror picture, love H&M

 Versace bracelet, what a beauty.

& the grand total is... yikes!

After this great adventure, i was dropped off at the omer residence.  What a fabulous time we had recounting stories, giving/receiving my delayed birthday present, & watching 6 episodes of New Girl.  I am so excited for this break, & getting to see old friends!

Saturday I worked... a lot.  DownEast decided to have all layering tees & camis $5.  The store was insane! We ended up having to just put things in boxes marked by size because the tables were a mess.  I was on cash register for 6 hours straight, we had a constant line that was going out the door.  The downfall was having to change all the prices manually.  We did make a lot of money though, whoo hoo for making our goal!  After I got off, I did the rest of my christmas shopping.  I am glad to have it done.  THe mall & target were packed.  But it's done, & now i just need to wrap everything!  If only we had a christmas tree I could put the presents under.  I love our new kitchen we are getting, but our christmas decorations have been replaced with ladders, brooms, wood, & all sorts of tools.  Instead of hoping for a white christmas, I am hoping for a place to put our tree!

When shopping was all done, I headed home, grabbed a snack, & started on my to the Johnson residence.  I had the wonderful opportunity to babysit sweet Nicki, Nathan, & Jaina.  Michael & Holly did make fun of me when they got home & I was sitting on their couch reading Sherlock Holmes.  What is wrong with that?? Two & a half hours of watching the original Willy Wonka & talking, I headed home.  I was out once I hit my pillow.

side note: this is how holly asked if i would babysit... 

This morning I was forced to wake up early to drive to SLC to see the Mormon Tabernacle Choir concert.  This event did give me the opportunity to wear my new outfit I bought for a 'plus one' event I had originally planned on, but was unable to attend due to an unfortunate event.  The best moment of the whole thing was this conversation between my grandfather & I:
Dzadieck(that means grandpa in polish):  Hello darling college girl, you look beautiful.
Me:  Oh thank you!
Dzadieck:  How is your boyfriend?
Me:  Oh, he broke up with me.
Dzadieck:  No, the one sitting next to you.
Me:  Uhmm, Dzadieck, that is Bennie.
Quality moment right there.
I slept on the ride up, I may have fallen asleep during part of the concert, I slept on the way back, & for 2 hours after.  Then we headed to Aunt Sheri's for a christmas message provided by yours truly.  One of my favorite things about the holiday season is spending time with the family!

I am looking forward to this week filled with money making, no school, glee, & friends!  

it just gets stranger.

please visit itjustgetstranger.blogspot.com  I would imagine that you would be just as entertained by the posts as i am.  This man is hilarious.

Another hilarious thing from today:  the lunch I had with Laura Baker, Cathy Cook, & Justin Hemsley.  We got on the subject of my scylla costume.  I searched all over the internet trying to find a picture of it, but couldn't.  You really just gotta see it in person. But i will try to provide an accurate description.  It is a spandex jump suit.  It is metallic yellow & red with a scale pattern all over.  As you zip up the back there is a nice hood that you have to put on.  On top of this hood is a triceratops size lizard head type thing.  It's fabulous.  But we were all doubled over laughing at all the ways we could think of to scare people while wearing this.  It was fantastic.

hilarious thing three:  skype with my best friends.  There is nothing like skyping with Brandon & Kalin to cheer me up.  I miss those two.  We had great talks about the old times & what the new times are going to be.  They were even so nice as to rate my outfit... such boys.  I met their nice roommate parker.  He wears glasses.  Brandon tried to teach me how to lift one eyebrow at a time. I just looked like a retard.  I tried to teach Brandon how to touch his nose with his tongue.  He didn't succeed.  I told them lots of stories.  They said i am not the same girl they left here, i feel like that is a good thing.  We shared lots of music, & then said goodbye.

Good news time!

1. I am really liking numbered & bulleted lists lately.
2. Roommates & I dyed more hair tonight.
3. Doing that kept us from doing something that would have put us at risk for arrestment. (i don't think that is a word, but imma use it anyway)
4. Today, i gained a whole new meaning for the phrase 'hump day'. but nothing dirty don't worry.
5. today i have been good.  
6. Mind over matter.
7. I had a lesson with holly, then hopped right over to michael. Goodness i love to dance.
8. Melanie & I bought our tickets for Sherlock Holmes 2!!
9. My best friend is in love & has found the person she wants to marry. 
10. I have already dibbsed planning the wedding.

bad news: i have two finals tomorrow, the first starting at 7.  & i am feeling like I won't be taking my religion one until friday... i am conflicted.

I am going to bed now!

glee.

so because there is a special sort of comfort that comes from being with one's family, i am spending the night at my parents house once again.  I had the chance to watch the new glee from tonight.

it's just my luck that it was all about christmas with the one you love, & star wars.

i already know this christmas will be Blue & Green, not in good ways.  It will be filled with broken promises, wasted gifts, & plans that won't be carried out.  But to have star wars thrown in there... just not what i needed.

Thank goodness for three amazing friends who made all the difference today.

• Laura Baker:  for coming to our Ballroom final, & the first thing she did was hug me tight, ask me how i am doing, & tell me we need to go to lunch soon.
• Robyn Omer:  for planning our boyfriend bonfire, talks with mom, & shananigans for this weekend.
• Kalin Ashby:  for being ever so sweet, & checking up on me right when i needed it most.  Some people just know me so well.

i miss my glee.

I miss glee.  a lot.  I haven't seen last weeks, & i will be missing tonights.  I opted for living the episodes through the youtube videos of the performances... sigh.

the gratitude challenge.

Write 10 physical abilities you are grateful for.

1. The ability to dance
2. The ability to cry
3. The ability to walk
4. The ability to live
5. The ability to cook
6. The ability to read
7. The ability to think
8. The ability to talk
9. The ability to hear
10. The ability to see

Write 10 material possessions you are grateful for.

1. My scriptures
2. My jewelry
3. My computer
4. My apartment
5. My car
6. My clothes
7. My food
8. My bed
9. My dance shoes, costumes, & make up
10. My journal

Write 10 living people you are grateful for.

1. Alan Barney
2. Michele Sorensen
3. Brad Sorensen
4. Bonnie Sorensen
5. Peggy Naverette
6. Kelli Ricks
7. Nate Alder
8. Brandon Hoefer
9. President Monson
10. J.K. Rowling

Write 10 deceased people you are grateful for.

1. Jesus Christ
2. President Hinckley
3. Uncle Chilli Dog
4. Grandy
5. Gramps
6. Grandpa Acomb
7. Joseph Smith
8. Michael Jackson
9. Ginger Rogers
10. Fred Astaire

Write 10 things about nature you are grateful for.

1. Clouds
2. Rain
3. Thunder
4. Flowers
5. The smell after it rains
6. Snow falling
7. Rainbows
8. The moon
9. The stars
10. The sun

Write 10 things about today you are grateful for.

1. My parents
2. My two grandmothers
3. My roommates
4. My best friends
5. Not having school
6. Glee
7. Delicious Mexican food
8. Feeling comfort from the Lord
9. Learning lots of new lessons
10. My fhe group

Write 10 places on earth you are grateful for.

1. My home
2. My apartment
3. Church buildings
4. The temple
5. My relatives' homes
6. The Barney home
7. BYU campus
8. Spain
9. Poland
10. France

Write 10 modern inventions you are grateful for.

1. Cell phones
2. The internet
3. Computers
4. Microwaves
5. Electricity
6. Indoor plumbing
7. Blenders
8. DVDs
9. Heating systems
10. Cars

Write 10 foods you are grateful for.

1. Bajio burrito platters
2. Smoothies
3. Raspberries
4. Oranges
5. Chicken 
6. Bagels
7. Muffins
8. Rice
9. Pasta
10. Salad

Write 10 things about the gospel you are grateful for.

1. The Spirit
2. Prayer
3. The atonement
4. My testimony
5. The scriptures
6. The prophet
7. The always available comfort
8. My Heavenly Father & Jesus Christ who love me
9. The strength & happiness that comes from knowing that
10. Countless blessings

That is 100 things i am grateful for & it doesn't even begin to scratch the surface.  Try it, it really puts in perspective, how blessed we truly are.

count your many blessings.

"Humans have an infinite capacity to take things for granted." I do not want to be numbered among those people.
My many blessings of today:
Finally cleaning my room.
The sweet comforting note i found on my bed from my lovely roommate Kelli.
the cold shower i took, & the fact that no roommates bothered me while i just sat with cold water running over me, letting everything go.
The text from my mom wishing me well today.
The call from my grandma asking how i am doing, & wondering if i need her to comfort me while i cried.
My best friend nate coming over, telling me all the things i am feeling are justified, watching glee with me, & buying me dinner.
hearing words of comfort from Brandon Hoefer.
The fact that Alan & I had somewhat of a conversation today.  It may have not been very happy, & I may still be waiting for him to respond to the text i sent at 11 am, but it's a start.
The awesome realizations i have come to today.
The text from my dad asking me how my day has been.
A certain blog filled with quotes that seemed to fit my life perfectly right now.
Not having school today.
The fortune i got that promised an opportunity next monday.
The lesson i learned about writing my feelings down on paper, not the internet.
Motivational quotes.
All the crying i have done. (yeah it's a blessing because It proves how much Alan meant to me, & that I had something really great for a while.)
My awesome fhe group, who come up with activities like deep breathing exercises.
Painting my nails.
The blog i found with so many great articles. (one of which being the 8 phases of break ups.  but i keep circulating through the first 7 i don't really know what to expect next.)
Smoothies made by the domestic goddess that lives downstairs.
This month's ensign, & the gratitude challenge on pg 6.

My emotions have been on such a roller coaster today, i just want it to stop.  I have an awful sick to my stomach feeling that I just can't shake.  The slightest things make me cry.  When anyone asks how i am doing, it takes all my will not to burst into tears.  When left alone to think, I think of everything i am going to miss, & all the memories.  Everything somehow reminds me of Alan. I feel as if my heart is ripped in two.  I feel tired, tired of crying, & of feeling like this, unfortunately it hasn't even been 24 hours since the break up occurred.  I don't want my days to continue like this.  I just want things to go back to normal, but that won't happen.  So i opt for hoping things will get better.  I know they will, but i hate to think of the journey that will lead to that.  I need someone to help me through this, but the person I am closest to can't be that person for me right now.  I hate being alone.  I don't want to have to go to bed because my mind starts wandering, & i start crying.  I need people around me, but finals are this week, & that's most important.  so i will ask the lord for comfort, & for alan to be comforted as well, also for everyone to do well on their multiple finals.  But not before thanking him for my many blessings.  I know that the Lord is always there to comfort us in our time of need, when everything else feels like it's caving in, the lord will be a rock to help keep us steady.

Post Script.
I just want to say that whatever anyone is thinking about the recent posts i have made, probably isn't true.  What happened wasn't my fault, & it wasn't Alan's fault.  Something happened, & we both got terribly hurt.  He is doing what is best for himself, & trying to take care of his own feelings.  It may not be what I wanted, & it may not be the way I think a relationship should function, but this is how it is.  I hope to remain friends with Alan.  He has done so much for me, no one can begin to comprehend. Things will be hard, & we both must do some forgiving, but in the end i know it will be worth it.  I hope he feels the same way, & that we can continue to fulfill our list of plans, as best friends.  I don't want our relationship to go to a complete waste, just because we aren't dating anymore.  He knows me better than anyone, & we get a long so well, i'd hate to see a friendship like that be given up on.  The best things in life are worth fighting for, so i will fight for that. 

sick tight.

85 years ago.

on a day like today, Claude Monet died.
"Claude Monet (14 November 1840 – 5 December 1926) was a founder of French impressionist painting, and the most consistent and prolific practitioner of the movement's philosophy of expressing one's perceptions before nature, especially as applied to plein-air landscape painting. The term Impressionism is derived from the title of his painting Impression, Sunrise."

one highlight of my trip to France was visiting Musée d'Orsay & seeing Monet's water lilies collection. 

It was absolutely breathtaking.  Monet requested that his paintings not be put in a museum, unless it was lit by natural light.  So his paintings sat & waited for the museum to be constructed.  The museum is spectacular.  Depending on what time of day, the paintings seem different.  I could have spent an entire 24 hrs. just sitting admiring the paintings.  

i love monet's style.  he is at the top of my list of favorite artists. 

oh grandma.

These are the messages i received from my grandmother today.  I guess she likes to give my phone number, address, & photos of me to boys whom I have never met.

gotta love grandmothers.

I would just like to let everyone in on a secret.  My dance coach is possibly the wisest person I know.

 Last week when we had breakfast, i had mentioned the current trouble with my relationship status.  Today during my lesson, we were discussing all the great dramas in the world of ballroom dancers.

Being the caring person he is, he asked if there was any progress in my relationship, & I relayed to him that the involved male has yet to make a decision.  

My coach then stated, "You two don't talk anymore, you don't do things together, you don't make time for each other.  Don't you think the decision has already been made?"

This has had me thinking all afternoon.

Has it been made?

On a different note.

yesterday, out of sheer boredom, i broke down and actually pinned something on Pintrest.  Previously i only had an account to follow things, & get ideas.  

but i have been sucked in.

i have two boards.

1: for quotes & sayings

2: (the more important one) for all things harry potter

As i was looking through my collection of harry potter pictures, & the ones found on pintrest, i will admit, i shed a tear or two.  

i am a potter nerd.

one last note.

i've got my michael buble, mariah carey, grinch, radio disney, christina, relient k, glee, & j. biebs.

my christmas playlist is complete.

it really does happen okay.

countdown point 2.

3 hours 9 minutes to christmas music! 

at this moment, i am working on downloading all 2,000 christmas songs from my father.  

Oh it's gonna be great!

patience.

stereotypes.

tonight after i went to check if the trash compactor door was unlocked (because one of my lovely co-workers miss placed the key) i was walking back in to the mall when i saw a boy.  He was holding a skateboard, wearing a big hoodie, with shaggy hair.  He was walking a bit ahead of me.  As he was opening the door, i expected him to just walk in.  Shaggy haired skaters aren't gentlemen right?  Well, this lovely boy proceeds to open the door for me saying, hello with an ear to ear smile.  After i thanked him, he said, "You are very welcome!" in the most cheerful voice & then i went back to work.
Thank goodness for boys who break the stereotypes.
I like them.  

one word.

help.

Quote for the day.

"I heat list stalked you."
-Alan Barney

unexpected.

yesterday was one of those days.  you know the days where you just want to curl up in a ball and sleep for hours?  Everything has been so stressful with dance, school, & people.  I woke up with tears running down my face, due to an awful nightmare, & was reminded of such a horrible experience in my past.  AFter i realized my favorite necklace, which belonged to my mother, was quite possibly stolen at a dance competition, i just broke down.  I just needed someone to hold me.  But that one person i needed, wasn't there for me.  Unexpectedly, my best friend rushed over with ice cream to comfort me.  SHe is the kind of friend who is always there for me.  Even if i have stopped talking to her for three months, even if we have been fighting.  WE are always best friends.  She was there for me right when i was feeling so alone.  Also, i had a lovely conversation with my best friend who has always talked me through things.  He can make me smile no matter what.  It's those unexpected best friends that will help no matter what, that you know really care about you.

On a lighter note, today has been very nice.  I got sprayed for the comp this weekend, & i look dark. I love it! Cathy Cook & I went to get lunch at Panda.  While we are waiting for our food, the entire MEsa Community College basketball teams rolls up.  Due to the fact that there were so many of them, a couple of them ended up sitting right next to us.  With my luck, of course i get an uncontrollable case of hiccups.  These boys started laughing at me!! But then, they decided to indulge in a little conversation with us.  They are actually very nice.  One of the boys was going on & on about how cool it was that they got to practice at East High last night, & he said he ran down the halls singing high school musical songs.  I was ready to marry him right there.  It makes a great day when guys will flirt with you when you haven't got a lick of make up on, your hair is atrociously pulled up, & you're in sweats.  At the conclusion of our little lunch party, Cathy & I went to riverwoods.  We visited Sheri & AJ at Zion's, & gave in to the tempting calls of Victoria's Secret.  All in all, today has been a better day!

this is how i feel.

the bags under my eyes are so apparent, i am sure i look like something directly out of a Tim Burton movie.  

7.

7 things that made me happy yesterday:

1:  Unintentionally matching with people.

   When i picked Gregory up to go buy some things for his tux, we were both wearing jeans, & white long sleeve waffle shirts.  (or thermal shirts, i like saying waffle better.)

2:  A delicious dinner at outback with my mother, & grandmother.

3:  A Mambo performance, to which my lovely roommates came to support me.

4:  sweet boys who tell me i did fabulous, & lift me on their shoulders so i can see. 

5:  Jamba Juice, interesting youtube videos, & boy angsting with Mel, Kelli, & Caitlin.

6:  This video.

7:  this photo.

somethings just aren't the same without her.

honestly?

Found this on the Haunted Forest Ticket info page:

(if it's too little, just click the picture)

Yeah, cause i really am going to bring a child under six to something like this, I'd rather go with my church group?? Seriously?

966 days.

966 days until kick-off.  Why does it have to be so long??

just looking at all of this gets me excited!

&... this video from last years world cup:

how many hispanic countries vs. other countries? 

glance over this. 

hispanics kick trash in fútbol!

& it is actually football.  In spanish you say 'fútbol' for soccer, & 'fútbol americano', american football (cause for the NFL it's not actually football).  

this demonstrates my point perfectly:

Whoa.

Just one of the many pointless, but interesting things i've encountered while bored.

weather.

yesterday was too warm.

it's supposed to be warm today too.

i just want it to be rainy!

dang forecast.

autumn.

as of friday, it is officially autumn (or fall if you prefer that).  so why was it 80° outside today!?  

Autumn weather needs to come faster because:

i want to wear clothes like this:

i love things like this:

things like this make me warm inside:

colors like this delight me:

these words make up the best season of the whole year:

I just want it to be autumn!