"Humans have an infinite capacity to take things for granted." I do not want to be numbered among those people.
My many blessings of today:
Finally cleaning my room.
The sweet comforting note i found on my bed from my lovely roommate Kelli.
the cold shower i took, & the fact that no roommates bothered me while i just sat with cold water running over me, letting everything go.
The text from my mom wishing me well today.
The call from my grandma asking how i am doing, & wondering if i need her to comfort me while i cried.
My best friend nate coming over, telling me all the things i am feeling are justified, watching glee with me, & buying me dinner.
hearing words of comfort from Brandon Hoefer.
The fact that Alan & I had somewhat of a conversation today. It may have not been very happy, & I may still be waiting for him to respond to the text i sent at 11 am, but it's a start.
The awesome realizations i have come to today.
The text from my dad asking me how my day has been.
A certain blog filled with quotes that seemed to fit my life perfectly right now.
Not having school today.
The fortune i got that promised an opportunity next monday.
The lesson i learned about writing my feelings down on paper, not the internet.
Motivational quotes.
All the crying i have done. (yeah it's a blessing because It proves how much Alan meant to me, & that I had something really great for a while.)
My awesome fhe group, who come up with activities like deep breathing exercises.
Painting my nails.
The blog i found with so many great articles. (one of which being the 8 phases of break ups. but i keep circulating through the first 7 i don't really know what to expect next.)
Smoothies made by the domestic goddess that lives downstairs.
This month's ensign, & the gratitude challenge on pg 6.
My emotions have been on such a roller coaster today, i just want it to stop. I have an awful sick to my stomach feeling that I just can't shake. The slightest things make me cry. When anyone asks how i am doing, it takes all my will not to burst into tears. When left alone to think, I think of everything i am going to miss, & all the memories. Everything somehow reminds me of Alan. I feel as if my heart is ripped in two. I feel tired, tired of crying, & of feeling like this, unfortunately it hasn't even been 24 hours since the break up occurred. I don't want my days to continue like this. I just want things to go back to normal, but that won't happen. So i opt for hoping things will get better. I know they will, but i hate to think of the journey that will lead to that. I need someone to help me through this, but the person I am closest to can't be that person for me right now. I hate being alone. I don't want to have to go to bed because my mind starts wandering, & i start crying. I need people around me, but finals are this week, & that's most important. so i will ask the lord for comfort, & for alan to be comforted as well, also for everyone to do well on their multiple finals. But not before thanking him for my many blessings. I know that the Lord is always there to comfort us in our time of need, when everything else feels like it's caving in, the lord will be a rock to help keep us steady.
Post Script.
I just want to say that whatever anyone is thinking about the recent posts i have made, probably isn't true. What happened wasn't my fault, & it wasn't Alan's fault. Something happened, & we both got terribly hurt. He is doing what is best for himself, & trying to take care of his own feelings. It may not be what I wanted, & it may not be the way I think a relationship should function, but this is how it is. I hope to remain friends with Alan. He has done so much for me, no one can begin to comprehend. Things will be hard, & we both must do some forgiving, but in the end i know it will be worth it. I hope he feels the same way, & that we can continue to fulfill our list of plans, as best friends. I don't want our relationship to go to a complete waste, just because we aren't dating anymore. He knows me better than anyone, & we get a long so well, i'd hate to see a friendship like that be given up on. The best things in life are worth fighting for, so i will fight for that.
My many blessings of today:
Finally cleaning my room.
The sweet comforting note i found on my bed from my lovely roommate Kelli.
the cold shower i took, & the fact that no roommates bothered me while i just sat with cold water running over me, letting everything go.
The text from my mom wishing me well today.
The call from my grandma asking how i am doing, & wondering if i need her to comfort me while i cried.
My best friend nate coming over, telling me all the things i am feeling are justified, watching glee with me, & buying me dinner.
hearing words of comfort from Brandon Hoefer.
The fact that Alan & I had somewhat of a conversation today. It may have not been very happy, & I may still be waiting for him to respond to the text i sent at 11 am, but it's a start.
The awesome realizations i have come to today.
The text from my dad asking me how my day has been.
A certain blog filled with quotes that seemed to fit my life perfectly right now.
Not having school today.
The fortune i got that promised an opportunity next monday.
The lesson i learned about writing my feelings down on paper, not the internet.
Motivational quotes.
All the crying i have done. (yeah it's a blessing because It proves how much Alan meant to me, & that I had something really great for a while.)
My awesome fhe group, who come up with activities like deep breathing exercises.
Painting my nails.
The blog i found with so many great articles. (one of which being the 8 phases of break ups. but i keep circulating through the first 7 i don't really know what to expect next.)
Smoothies made by the domestic goddess that lives downstairs.
This month's ensign, & the gratitude challenge on pg 6.
My emotions have been on such a roller coaster today, i just want it to stop. I have an awful sick to my stomach feeling that I just can't shake. The slightest things make me cry. When anyone asks how i am doing, it takes all my will not to burst into tears. When left alone to think, I think of everything i am going to miss, & all the memories. Everything somehow reminds me of Alan. I feel as if my heart is ripped in two. I feel tired, tired of crying, & of feeling like this, unfortunately it hasn't even been 24 hours since the break up occurred. I don't want my days to continue like this. I just want things to go back to normal, but that won't happen. So i opt for hoping things will get better. I know they will, but i hate to think of the journey that will lead to that. I need someone to help me through this, but the person I am closest to can't be that person for me right now. I hate being alone. I don't want to have to go to bed because my mind starts wandering, & i start crying. I need people around me, but finals are this week, & that's most important. so i will ask the lord for comfort, & for alan to be comforted as well, also for everyone to do well on their multiple finals. But not before thanking him for my many blessings. I know that the Lord is always there to comfort us in our time of need, when everything else feels like it's caving in, the lord will be a rock to help keep us steady.
Post Script.
I just want to say that whatever anyone is thinking about the recent posts i have made, probably isn't true. What happened wasn't my fault, & it wasn't Alan's fault. Something happened, & we both got terribly hurt. He is doing what is best for himself, & trying to take care of his own feelings. It may not be what I wanted, & it may not be the way I think a relationship should function, but this is how it is. I hope to remain friends with Alan. He has done so much for me, no one can begin to comprehend. Things will be hard, & we both must do some forgiving, but in the end i know it will be worth it. I hope he feels the same way, & that we can continue to fulfill our list of plans, as best friends. I don't want our relationship to go to a complete waste, just because we aren't dating anymore. He knows me better than anyone, & we get a long so well, i'd hate to see a friendship like that be given up on. The best things in life are worth fighting for, so i will fight for that.
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