fantasy.

hi my name is karoline, and i am a bookaholic.  okay, they probably don't have a support group for people addicted to reading, because reading is actually beneficial.  i love to read.  i am a huge book nerd.  i have spent countless hours at borders reading their books.  last week when i was upset, instead of binging on food, i binged on books.  (i purchased four.)  reading helps me get away from the problems i have, and get enveloped in the adventures of the characters in my book.  Things always end right in my books.  the problems always resolve themselves, and things end up better than they were before.  the world is perfect in books.  there is a nasty downside to how much i read though.  i get caught up in fantasizing about how my life should play out, wishing i lived in a book, where things all turned out how i wanted.  i spend so much time conjuring up the perfect scenarios for my life, that when reality hits me, i fall hard.  i have to admit i was devastated the day of my eleventh birthday when i did actually go check the mail for my hogwarts letter.  i was absolutely convinced wizardry was real, and i would receive a letter.  i get frustrated when i don't have the best friend who i have known since elementary who is always there for me, and understands me completely.  the one person who i can tell my deepest secrets i have kept bottled up and she will help me take care of them.  i wish for a guy from the pages of a romance novel.  one who senses when i am upset, show up unexpectedly with flowers, who won't let up until i inform him what is wrong, and holds me while i cry, telling me i am beautiful even when i cry, and assuring me things will be okay.  one who whisks me off on spontaneous adventures, and nothing ever goes wrong.  i'm sad when my summer doesn't consist of laying out on the beach all day, and spending nights dancing at exclusive clubs with my friends.  however, recently i have come to a realization.  truthfully, if life was like a book, and everything was as we wanted how would we grow, and become stronger?  when i take time to actually think about it, i wouldn't want my life to be so mundane that it works itself out.  there is no greater feeling than coming out of a trial alive, and knowing you have just done something that once seemed impossible.  where would the excitement be in having a perfect guy, perfect friends, with a perfect life?  it all sounds so boring now that i think more about it.  i love my life.  i was absolutely thrilled when i received my school acceptance letter to BYU.  i do have best friends.  we may not be tied at the hip like in books, but that's what is going to happen as we grow up.  we each have different jobs, and attend different schools, but when we get together, it's like we never missed a beat.  my boyfriend is absolutely, completely wonderful.  he isn't perfect, but he is a lot closer than i am.  he takes care of me when i am sick, he helps me with my problems, and takes me on the best adventures you can have in the quaint town of provo, for which i am very thankful.  my summer didn't consist of pool side tanning, and club visits, it was so much better.  i will continue to read, and get lost in the world on pages.  at times i will still wish things had turned out different.  but most of the time i will be grateful for the opportunity to grow, that's what we are here for.